What Happened When We Gave Away $5000 in Tips

I sometimes receive messages from listeners that stop me in my tracks.

Many of you have a gift for expressing something fundamentally right through a story or phrase that I know will stick with me.

Recently, one of these unforgettable notes arrived as a follow up to the Crazy Good Turns "Thank a Server" Challenge.

What's The 'Thank A Server' Challenge?

It's an idea we'd cooked up just before Christmas and the holiday season. In it, we sent a hundred $50 Thank You Gift Cards to listeners, asking that they in turn give the card as an outsized tip to a restaurant server, barista or other service industry worker.

Why did we do this?

Because we think those stories of people who go to a restaurant and drop a massive tip for the server are awesome. We also recognize that not everyone has the means to do that. So we wanted to make it possible for more people to be disproportionately generous, even if just for a day.

The whole thing was done on the honor system. Listeners decided to whom they wished to give the card.

While we asked nothing in return, we received back many wonderful notes from people who'd enjoyed the experience. You'll see some of those notes at the bottom of this post.

(By the way, you can join the #GoodTurnsTeam to be part of future giveaways like this. Go here to sign up.)

What I want to tell you about is one of those notes.

The Lesson From The Lonely Cab Ride

The message came from Patricia in Naperville, Illinois. Just before the holidays, she was trying to fly out of Chicago's Midway Airport to visit her family for the first time in three years.

But Patricia was caught in the snarl of travel difficulties that grounded so many planes this holiday season. Her flight was canceled.

Patricia was devastated, and found a cab to begin the lonely ride home. But during the drive, things began to change. Here is how she describes the experience:

"While I stepped into the cab feeling heartbroken that I would not see my family, I got out of the cab feeling so connected to simply bringing warmth and light to the people around us.

"It was [because of] the generosity of spirit and humanity that the young man [driving] showed me. We had a real conversation."

When she exited the car, Patricia gave her $50 Thank You Card to the driver.

"At first, he didn't want to take it. But I insisted and told him that our conversation was a gift to me. I felt connected and not the least bit lonely."

Patricia says she learned a lasting lesson from the experience. In her words:

"It's easy to fall into treating each other like we are just transactions. So it's striking when suddenly someone 'sees' you, and you see them.

"That's what this person did for me. See the human first, not the customer or the worker.

"How can I do that more often during life's transactions? Take a breath and see the person first."

See the person first. What a profound idea to carry with us.

The 'Deal' With Being Real

Patricia's story brought to mind a book I'd read recently, 'From Strength to Strength' by Arthur Brooks. It has a chapter discussing "real" and "deal" friends. The author's point is that "deal" friends are "transactional," and suggests we ought to spend time cultivating more "real" friends.

Sure. That sounds right.

But perhaps a more basic starting point, before addressing the question of forming friendships, is the difference between treating others as "real people" or "deal people."

Retail workers, clerks, airport staff and others in any line of customer service know what it feels like to be treated like a "deal person" — just something at the end of a transaction.

Every time we see someone becoming furious or abusive to a front line worker, we should know that it is dehumanizing. And it dehumanizes those on both sides of the transaction.

Real friends may be rare. But real people are everywhere.

Let's act accordingly.

The story of the cab ride home from the airport is a vivid reminder: Try to see the person first.